my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
