I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
