apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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