508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
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I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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