I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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