guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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