How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
