I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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