I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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