And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
