I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
