Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
