so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
