you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
