Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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