I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
