Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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