Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had sex on a dog bed..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
