He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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