i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
