Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
