I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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