Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
