So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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