someone owes me an orgasm
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
