why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
