it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think a kid would responsible me up
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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