I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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