i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
