Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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