Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
