This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm really busy with my period
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