we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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