tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
