He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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