So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
