it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i've created a new STD.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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