Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We left the knife in your bed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
