i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So. Much. Porn.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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