Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Congratulations! We have a period
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
