I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
