I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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