I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
