my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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