His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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