i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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