Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
