I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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