Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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