i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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