Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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