I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
