Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
