Is it because I queefed?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
