thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
