We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize