turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
