This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
