youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
