She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
