Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
