I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
