I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
