we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
