May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
