omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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