I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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