New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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