Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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