I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize