Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
