he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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