and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
