Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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