he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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